Running for my life!
In the first of a new series of Monthly Guest bloggers, fellow R.E.D January runner Imani Summer talks us through her experiences of how running has helped her with her mental and secondly, her physical health. Imani has her own blogs and vlogs, the links can be found to these at the bottom of this page. Enjoy reading folks and if you have an interesting item for a blog, then please get in touch. Here is Imani's blog: This morning I did what every person would do on a freezing cold morning...I went jogging in the snow! Sometimes I wonder how I got to the point where I think the best thing to do on a snowy day is to don some lycra and head out for a 5k.
I have never thought of myself as a runner. I always thought runners were a very different breed to me, and maybe were even born with a different gene...separating me out from them, but I've always envied the so called "runners high" that they talk about...so when a Facebook post came up on my feed advertising R.E.D January-a social movement to get people moving and beat the winter blues, I signed up straight away. It was to support Mind; a charity who have been an invaluable source of support to me when I was very poorly with mental health problems, so the idea of fundraising and getting fit and healthy really appealed.
I live with long-term chronic mental health problems, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD, which is a disorder of chaotic emotions, high sensitivity and mood swings) and PTSD which had arisen from a childhood of severe abuse.
My body had taken a battering from the anxiety and anti-depressant medications I take to ease the symptoms of my illness...so my starting point was being someone who was very out of condition, and very unused to exercise. Going out on my first run therefore was daunting. I didn't know how my body would react after so much inactivity. I quickly tired and thought "wowzers, what have I done here!?" Committing to doing this everyday (or some other form of exercise) for 31 days, in the darkest coldest month of the year! But I came in from my run, rosy faced and proud. That endorphin buzz was instant and amazing! I came in and felt more awake and energised than I'd done for a long time. Also, like I'd done something out of my comfort zone that I could genuinely feel proud of.
When you live with mental health problems, or even if you don't, it is so important to build little successes into your day. Things that make you feel like you've accomplished something, and that's exactly what running did for me. To push myself to go out, even on days when leaving the warmth and comfort of my home was so difficult, built a sense of personal mastery.
The buzz of running continued, and intensified more and more, the more I did it. Shock horror, I began to actually enjoy it! I found that my runs cleared my head of all the rubbish in my mind, and while on the run I enjoyed appreciating the natural beauty of my local surroundings. I realised how much beauty lay on my doorstep and I discovered new places to run which made me feel more at home and more grounded and settled in the area where I live. For people with PTSD, simply leaving the house can be a big strain. People with PTSD have a mind-set of threat, being very over-sensitised to perceived danger, so people like me often end up confined to their homes which is so sad.
Running gave me confidence. I was able to extend my comfort zone and run on longer routes further from my home, building up my sense of safety. That was hugely empowering to me as a survivor. I also started to find the running less of a physical strain. I noticed an improvement in how long I was able to run for, very quickly. My breathing was less laboured and my previously unused muscles ached less and I recovered quicker afterwards.
This was all so good for me. Aside from the daily buzz of exercise that I was getting, there were a couple of highlights that stood out for me in R.E.D January. One was the first time I took part in my local parkrun. This was a 5k timed run with a group of over a hundred runners. I was so nervous the night before as I wondered what it would be like, but I have to say it was the best feeling to run in a group like that, and the 'crossing the finish line moment' was something I will never forget. My husband, children and a friend were there to cheer me on, and as I ran the mantra in my head was THIS GIRL CAN. That is what spurred me on and enabled me to finish the race in a time I was proud of.
After that amazing experience I went out and bought myself some proper running clothes as a treat. I felt like I'd crossed the line and become a runner! Something I never thought would happen. Finally, my other highlight was when I jogged happily and confidently past a location where I'd attempted to take my own life. I felt overcome with positive emotion, a sense of relief that those dark times had ended, and a new found enthusiasm for life and my future.
A month of running did not only give me slimmer thighs and a bottom that wobbled a bit less It gave me hope, confidence, pride, accomplishment, a sense of positivity and new found control, as well as a new daily routine. A depression busting activity I could do every day that I knew was guaranteed to make me feel better, no matter how difficult a day I was having. And for someone with complex emotional needs, that meant the world to me.
For anyone who is keen to try running but daunted by it, please don't be. Go easy on yourself at first, listen to your body, and enjoy those magical moments you get while you run, and the post-run buzz afterwards. Running has taken me far away from a past that was very painful and difficult, into a future that looks much brighter and sparklier. My advice for novice runners would be to take a smiley selfie of yourself every time you've gone for a run, and keep them as a building record of all you've achieved, as well as a reminder of how good you felt after that run. If ever you don't feel motivated to go out, simply looking through all the selfies and the glowing happy faces in the snapshots always convinced me to lace up my shoes and just go for it!
As for my future, I have entered a 10k race to raise further money for Mind in the summer, and I am also in the process of organising a group hike along Hadrian's Wall for myself and a group of people I met through RED January! So running has kick-started a very positive process of transformation in me, marking my move towards full mental health recovery.
I blog, vlog, make videos and cartoon about my experiences of BPD and PTSD to raise awareness of these issues, and my ultimate aim is to destigmatise mental health disorders via the open sharing of my own personal experiences. I have had a vlog and two blog posts published by Mind (one of these being about my experience of RED January).
I have aspirations to become involved in documentary making and radio/TV appearances, and have two books in the pipeline, which are already partly written and I hope to have published by the end of the year. You can follow my recovery journey on my summerSHINES blog here
and follow me on facebook here
